my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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