Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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