hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
