My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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