its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
