I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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