I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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