Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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