Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
