i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I touched a dick in church today
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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