yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
