You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
