Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
