you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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