Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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