She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
