You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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