I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
