the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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