Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Did I show you my penis last night?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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