Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
