He disabled his match.com account in front of me
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
