I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
