I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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