so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
