My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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