You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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