Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
