Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
she looked like the before picture.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
