i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
