Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
and you fell through a lawn chair
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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