If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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