I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
