You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
