you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
