pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
