his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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