I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
