Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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