He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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