What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My penis needs a shock collar
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
