our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
