haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
