Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
