i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
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