Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
