she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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