I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He did a backflip because drugs
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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