a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Randomize
