After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I understand Curling. That high.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
