My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
